Friday, June 17, 2011

A severely R-rated post

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let's play a game. It's a good game; it's called The Truth.

I want to tell you a story. The names -- including my own, of course -- have been removed to protect all involved. The story begins with Wife. I have one, and have for a decent amount of time. She is absolutely the love of my life; we piss each other off on a semi-regular basis, and are probably justified in that feeling in both directions, but even -- no, especially after a knock-down, drag-out, fire-breathing killer of a fight, we remember just how much we love each other and how there is absolutely no one else in this world we would rather spend the next 40, 50, even 60 years with. There is so much love there.

And there is Daughter, who is a beautiful young lady and will no doubt turn into a wonderful, intelligent, fascinating woman some day. We both love her dearly, and she is our greatest delight and joy. 

And there is Complication. She is a close friend and coworker of mine. She has the name Complication because that is exactly what she is: the single greatest complication my life has ever faced.

There have been other complications, which Wife will hopefully never learn of. But none has ever been like this. And yet, in some ways, what I feel for Complication is anything but; it's very simple, in that it is lust and desire. I want her. I want her bad. She is sexy and wild and uninhibited, and I want to do things with and to her that quite simply cannot be recorded, and I'd prefer that the vast majority of people don't even know I'm excited by.

Among the many problems this situation brings to the surface is that Wife and I married rather young. This is not really an issue. This is: my beliefs and opinions have changed since we met and married. The development of these essential parts of what makes me Me was still greatly in progress when we met and married. Since then, I discovered my political beliefs trended toward the Libertarian, and slowly but surely, in turn my ethical beliefs also became quite libertarian. I have come to understand or believe that human beings are free to do as they wish, as long as no harm is done. What I wish, quite bluntly, is to have a very intimate, carnal association with this Complication I found.

This can, of course, do great harm. Wife is nowhere near as libertarian as I am. If Wife were to find out about this wish of mine, that may very well be that, even if I have not acted on it in any way, but especially if I have. Best case scenario, I would be forced to leave a job which affords me enjoyment and hellaciously wonderful health benefits. Far more likely would be that Wife and Daughter would be taken out of my life permanently, and this must not happen.

But there's the kicker, ain't it? This is only if Wife finds out. If I can manage to accomplish this wish discreetly... all is and shall remain well. I have successfully kept her in the dark when the more minor complications arose, though little to nothing happened in those cases. But if the chains were loosed on something, anything to happen with Complication, things WOULD happen without doubt or hesitation.

It is difficult to rein in my mind. To be explicit and oversharing: I love receiving blowjobs, and I love giving cunnilingus. Wife, God bless her, prefers as little foreplay as possible, wanting to get straight into the intercourse. The dream of most guys, yes. But the thought of eating out this Complication of mine, and/or watching her take my cock in her mouth, or even to spend a glorious chunk of time just touching and fondling and groping and enjoying each other... As I said, difficult not to think about such things, because of how terrific they would be. And I am confident that Complication would be willing.

If I were unmarried, then oh yes. If Wife were a bit more libertarian, and knew from our years of marriage that I will forever and always for the rest of my life come home to her and her alone, then oh yes. But neither applies. Therefore, if Complication and I were to go along with what I feel and wish, and Wife were to find out, it would cause terrible harm to me, to Wife, and most likely to Daughter as well.

I would have no qualms engaging in anything and everything with Complication. I would hate to hurt Wife. My ideal situation, and I don't care if I'm going straight to Hell for this, is that I could guarantee that Wife would never find out, and engage in goddamn EVERYTHING with my dear, sweet, wild Complication.

As it is, I live in turmoil, and I wish something would break. I just don't know what would break, and what the damage would be.

Aagh.

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